Biking again.

It's good to be back in the "saddle" again. I took a delightful bike ride this afternoon along a portion of the Green Circle. 10.44 miles in 45:29 minutes. According to my bicycle computer, that presents an average speed of 13.6 MPH. I find that interesting as according to my calculator, 10.44 (miles traveled) / 0.75483 (the portion of an hour use) = 13.77 MPH. I think the bicycle computer must be rounding up to the next minute. That seems to be the only way it works out. What a pity. I really pushed for that extra 31 seconds. But, no matter how you slice it, it's a good thing. The speed limit on the trail is only 15 MPH. Thus, on average, I was holding to the speed limit. ;-) The good part, however, is that I haven't been doing a lot of riding yet this season and I the speeds and times are relatively consistent with what I was doing near the end of last season. I just wish the bike shop had actually fixed my bike when I told them of the problems shortly after procuring the item. Any time I apply a fair amount of force in either the 2nd or the 6th rear sprocket, the chain slips. I may just have to bite it and get the rear gears replaced with something a little bit better than stock.

I also think I finally managed to get my silly watch calibrated. I've had the bloody thing since last Christmas and could never get the built in compass to function correctly. Of course, I don't know if this will hold or not. I have a rather interesting magnetic field all my own. I'm fairly sure I inherited this trait as if my father is wearing a wrist watch when he gets "upset", the watch will usually cease to function, permanently. He's gone to buying $3 watches. *smirk*

The search continues. The illusive goal remains unfound. Perhaps I need to sneak up on it. Does anyone have some good stealth technology I could borrow?

There's nothing like hauling large, heavy objects to make you feel like a man, especially if you are one. ;-)

Pet peeves to note (no, this is not inclusive):

Exchange Servers that become ill for no discernable reason.
Any server that decides to crash in the middle of the night.
Walking into the building in the middle of said night to find all the lights left on in the "hall ways" (which include large rooms with many over head banks of lights) and all of the offices upstairs. For cripes sake, people, turn off the freaking lights when you leave. Damn. I'm fairly sure most of the people working upstairs are older than age 4.

Conversely, points to enjoy (again, not inclusive):

Catching up with a friend's Blog.
Cool night air instead of the stifling, humid crap we had earlier this week.
Quiet, no matter how fleeting it may be. It isn't really peace, per se, but it's a start. Peace is only likely to arrive during meditation or after death.

The "noise" of life and activity for the sake of activity tends to dull one's senses to the more important facets of life. ("One" being "self" in this case.) I need to find a way of extracting the songs that are on auto-replay in my head. Of course, I also need to find a way of changing the auto-replay of my life, too. Spirals are acceptable. Circles are ridiculous.

30 Days has September, August, June and November. All the rest have peanut butter. ;-)

30 Posts is now the viewable group on this page without delving into the now working archives. I only had one casualty while mucking about with setting up the archives and it was entirely my fault as far as understanding how the archival system works. My first ever post was deleted. *sniff* Oh well. It'll grow back. (The slithering edible worms of time consume my being. I am lost and not even my entrails shall be found. -- Posted on August 15th, 2002.) Melodrama. Yuck!

As a good friend (yes, I do have one or so) often says, Oh my Heck! What an absurdity it is to attempt to audit a course. Not only do several signatures need to be acquired (I can understand that part) but if the class happens to already be full, even if one has the permission of the instructor, one cannot audit the course. What a crock. It should be primarily up to the instructor to set how many students can participate even if it is a writing emphasis course. At least due to a glitch in an Exchange server, my request for reimbursement didn't arrive until after I knew I couldn't take the class thus saving me the work of filling out the forms. (Yes, there is always a bright side. Sometimes it is just very hard to find.) Oh well. There are other ways. Subvert the dominant paradigm. ;-)

Hot Damn! The archives are finally working the way they are supposed to work. It's time for some house cleaning.

I continue to be firmly convinced that we are each watched over and guided when the need arises. This evening presented a great example of this. The short version is that I was delayed by an inconvenient traffic light. Because of this, someone got in front of me. Two traffic lights later, they avoided an accident that I'm not sure I would have avoided based on my general driving patterns. I generally don't expect people to turn left in front of me when I have the right of way. I guess I should by now. It has happened often enough. So, because of the fellow in front of me's timid nature, an accident was avoided. Had I been in front, there probably would have been a rather inconvenient head-on collision.

I think the purchase of this UPS has been one of my better boondoggles. I drove to Best Buy today (a good 30 minute drive at speeds not often exceeding 75 miles per hour) to exchange said beast. The "new" unit acts and reacts the same as the old, at least as far as the software is concerned. I have yet to execute a full discharge and recharge, but my hopes are not high. I have this sneaking suspicion that I am the victim of false advertising. According to their "Battery Run-time Chart", I should be getting at least 28 minutes of run time. I didn't make it much past 22 and, I only have a 19" monitor, not a 21". Combine that with the fact that the software tells me I only have 6:41 minutes of run time and my recommendation is to stay away from Cyberpower UPS units. I may change my mind after some further testing, but I rather doubt it.

Well, it would seem that the server that puked last night has done so again. Weeeeee!!! Another trip into the wild black yonder. I wonder if it's the backup job. More soon.

And so there comes a time when one must decide who one is. I'm still working on that one but I hope to be headed in a direction, whether it is the right one or not remains to be seen. As part of my path-deciding process, I have decided to enroll in an Advanced Business Writing course with the hopes that I may become more marketable which in turn would allow me to find a position (either at my current locale or otherwise, preferably here) in which I could utilize what skills I have. Time, sweat, blood and tears are likely to tell. Now if I can just find the receipt for my UPS... ;-)

Ah, computers. I swear they often seem to have a mind of their own. Even though the program they're running may say, "Do this and then do this." the computer often seems to say, "No." I had just such an experience this morning when a server decided to fail every single drive in its RAID array. Oh well. If everything worked perfectly, I'd have a different job. ;-)

I chatted with a professor today who is hosting a Business Writing course this summer. I am seriously considering taking said course even if it does meet far earlier in the morning than what I'd like. It sounds like a lot of good information could be imparted and since he's a friend of mine (of sorts) and I've never had a class from him, I think I may have sufficient impetus to attempt said class, even if it is only an audit.

The weather here has finally started to get cooler. Last night was truly nasty. I even considered turning on the Air Conditioning but the thought of the very large electric bill kept me from doing it. Tonight, on the other hand, it is positively pleasant in here though I would wager that some would find it a bit chilly. At least I should be able to get to sleep when I eventually do retire for the evening.

Speaking of which, I do believe it is time to go. Oh, before I forget, DA, I received your email and will respond soon. I'm just a bit too tired at the moment. (Has it really been 10 years?? My goodness how the time does fly.)

w00t!! I doubt all of you folks out on the consumer side of this (and any other) Blog on Blogspot will notice much but the backend interface is looking great. More soon.

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? -Abraham Lincoln, 16th US president (1809-1865)

I find it absolutely amazing how much one can learn from a conversation unlooked for and unexpected. It is, perhaps, how I learn the most about myself, though I am still unsure of my destination. That, I think, will come with time and probably from a source I do not yet understand.

The days are warm here in this place I call home. Sometimes they are even stifling and summer has barely begun. Some rain would be nice, too instead of just the constant heat and humidity.

I found something quite unusual or perhaps unexpected, anyway. An old friend from years ago whom I think about from time to time, someone who I didn't think ever thought about me anymore let alone still considered me a friend was kind enough to place a link on her Blog to my Blog. (This Blog is like to that Blog said the first Blog, but in this place not in that place.) Yes, that is a silly line modified from a Hobbit riddle. In any case, I was surprised and stunned. To be completely honest, I really didn't think she liked me well enough to call me an acquaintance, let alone a friend. Will wonders never cease? (I certainly hope not.)

I participated in Taekwondo class this evening for the first time in about two weeks. The sweat was so thick in my DoBok that I could wring it out and still have plenty to spare. Alas that we were in the air conditioned room instead of the gym. It would have been even hotter. Yet, it was still very much enjoyable. I taught, I learned and generally speaking, enjoyed both. A young gentleman with ADHD was in class as well, my group, no less, but he seems to have come a long way since last summer. Although he still had difficulty paying attention 100% of the time, he did do much better on the form than I expected and when he asked questions, they were generally about the form instead of some completely and totally unrelated topic. I wonder if he is taking medication or if the Taekwondo has actually helped or some combination thereof.

My supervisor continues to get under my skin from time to time but he also seems to trust me a bit further than he used to. Whether that is because he has no choice or because I have somehow shown merit in his eyes, I do not know. Perhaps it does not matter. Perhaps good things will come to pass in the fullness of time there, too. I know not and I'm not holding my breath. ;-)

My new UPS continues to be a pest. When I acquired it last Sunday and plugged it in, it indicated that it only had 2% of its battery charged. I allowed it to charge for quite some time (10+ hours) and that improved to 100% but the duration of battery life remained under 7 minutes. Considering I really don't have that much plugged into it (at the moment, only my computer and monitor), it should have close to 60 minutes of backup time. I contacted Tech Support and they replied that I should test and see how long it would really run. In actuality, it ran for about 24 minutes, but that's still a lot less than I expected and even after recharging it from being completely drained, it still only thinks it has 6:53 minutes of charge. *sigh* Oh well. It looks like another trip to Best Buy for a replacement unless Tech Support has any other ideas up their collective sleeves. (Hmm, the Sleeve Collective is an interesting idea. "We are Sleeves. Your arms will be covered. Resistance is futile." Okay, never mind. That's just silly. Pants Collective: Now that could be amusing. Of course, sexual innuendo is almost always funnier than just straight silliness.)

Ah, but speaking of humor, a friend of mine sent this joke to me today and I thought it well worth my time to place it here since most of my readers will at least get it even if the don't laugh their collective asses off like I did. (Hmm, The Ass Collective. Nah, never mind.) On with the humor:

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas.
He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant." says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know shit about my business...

" ... Now give me back my dog."

The wedding itself was fun, from a certain point of view. I know of at least one person who focused only on the negative aspects of church, priest and photographer. Although I can see her point with church and priest, the photographer was an absolute saint, if a bit slow. One of the children in the bridal part was a bit on the rambunctious side, thus it kept running off and being called back, etc. I, not being a parent have no right to say what I am about to say but shall say it anyway. I think this young person needs some good, consistent discipline. At one point during pictures, the child stomped on one of my feet...all fun and games if you're bare foot, but the child was not, and I was trying to keep my shoes looking good for the pictures. I reprimanded the child sharply while emphasizing my point with a poke to the head. I then told the child why its actions were inappropriate. The child responded with a simple "ok" and made no more moves to continue. The child's care takers seem to yell a lot but don't seem to have a whole lot of follow through and the reasons for which they yell seem unclear at some times, even to me, other than pure irritation with the child's rambunctious nature. Ah well. I'm betting most of this will come back to haunt me should I ever have children of my own. It is far easier to be a side-line parent than to be a real one.

The reception was also fun, for the most part. The organization of food, etc. was a bit odd, but all was prepared and set out in the fullness of time. The food itself was fair and the entertainment that followed wasn't half bad. The DJ did not make the bridal party do any more than the bride and groom requested so I managed to escape the evil and dreaded Chicken Dance. Oh how I despise that sequence of "music" and movement.

I also had the excellent opportunity to chat with a very pleasant and intelligent bar tender. She seemed quite glad of the company as well as she indicated that the last wedding for which she was a bartender, she sold virtually no drinks and had no one with which to talk. I provided the latter anyway but did not consume even one drop of alcohol. She made me several drinks none-the-less, some of which were pretty darn good. We chatted about this and that through out most of the evening. She seemed quite interested in Taekwondo so I expounded about some of the benefits but made sure to include the truth as well. She was interested in learning something for self defense. I indicated that Taekwondo was a good start, but that she should really take a self defense course. There are too many things our style of Taekwondo leaves out. She seemed quite interested when I informed her that one of the branches of our school taught children. She has three along with spouse.

Later in the evening, after much of the crowd had thinned, I was snagged by the bride for a polka. I need to learn to dance. It can be quite fun. I also need to learn a sense of rhythm, but that with practice, I think. The highly unexpected part was that I was complemented by ALL of my female partners on how well I danced. (The guys were too busy feeling embarrassed...they wouldn't even dance properly with me...I was only slightly offended. ;-) )

Sunday was nice. I spent some time with my nephew and his friend while en route to returning some things (tux, etc.) and procuring some others (UPS, groceries, Harry Potter book). Earlier, I spent some time chatting with a young lady from Slovenia. She seems quite intelligent, speaks at least 5 languages and if English is any example, speaks them well. Other than a few minor vocabulary issues in which I used a $2.00 word or used a word which was an unfamiliar homonym (She didn't realize that a club in golf was the stick with a head used to hit the ball. Instead, she was thinking of a night club.), she kept up very well and her general grammar was better than many college students' for which I've had the misfortune to grade essay exams.

Well, it seems to be time for bed. I must rise early this morning and hand over my car to my spouse for the day while hers is being worked on. Core is Mother, Core is Father. ;-)

The quiet dawn illumines a quiet world in quiet thought. The night past is done but not forgotten. At least they didn't make the bridal party do the Chicken dance.

If weddings and the preparation there of were any more fun, I'd have to get a tourniquet and a knife.

Road construction: I realize that in a state such as Wisconsin (four actual seasons) it is often necessary to repair certain roads. The question I have to ask is, does the DOT have to do them all at the same time? Okay, in all honesty, they're not ALL being repaired right now; just a large number of the roads I tend to use are being dismantled and, in theory, reconstructed. I haven't seen much of the latter, though the summer is early. I assume they'll have something in place by the end of December. :-P

I found some marvelous books today that I actually have the delusion that I will find the time to read. It's a strange thing about books. To me, anyway, they seem to have a life and an arcane existence all their own. Even computer books seem to have these characteristics, well, some of them, at least. A room with out books truly is like a body without a soul.

In other news, I find it amazing that (generally speaking) as the size of an organization or company increases, their overall quality tends to decrease. For example: Weekend before last, I had the honor of standing up in the wedding of a friend and associate of mine. The experience was interesting and some of it was even rather nice. I acquired the rental tuxedo at a small business on the east side of town. The proprietor is a very well mannered individual who genuinely seems to care about his service and his products. While I was trying on the tux, I heard him explaining to a young lady that no matter how much money she spent on a suit for her father, unless he had exact measurements, the suit would probably not look very good on him. Conversely, today (well, yesterday at this point), I had the misfortune to acquire a tuxedo at a different establishment. This establishment is much larger having off the rack wedding dresses, etc. Not only was their rental price for the tux more (even with the subsidy my friend and associate implemented) but the service was far from the quality I had received from the smaller establishment. The people seemed rushed and, in turn, attempted to rush me. The fit of the tux is barely satisfactory and even after I pointed out the fact that the vest is too big for me, even on the smallest adjustment, they just shrugged and went to help someone else. While at the smaller establishment, I happened to notice that two stitches were broken on the inner cuff of the jacket. Although this would not have shown in any but the most scrutinizing examination, the proprietor had me remove the jacket and had it repaired along with my shirt and pants being re-pressed. (What did the old peasant shirt say at the dry-cleaners? Help, help, I'm being repressed.) (And I'm not old. :-) ) Well, I'll get off my soapbox now. It's late or early, depending on your perspective, and there's much to be done today. Sleep IS for tortoises, but I fear I may be growing a shell.

Some times computers can be so naughty and complex, I could just pinch them. :-)

Insanity has been defined as performing the same task over and over again expecting different results. By that definition, I am quite insane. I tell someone something, attempt to "teach" them (work related), send them an email detailing the situation and yet I continue to receive questions which are completely irrelevant. *sigh* I suppose I shouldn't bitch too much. I'm sure I'm the same way when it comes to fields of study in which I have little or no interest yet am expected to work. I would say that it is probably true of most people. If one has no interest in a given topic, it is unlikely that one will retain knowledge in said topic.

Lyta had a little Vorlon,
its suit was black as coal,
and everywhere that Lyta went,
the Vorlon's sure to go.

It followed her to CNC
which was against the rules.
It made the staff all blanch and faint,
to see a Vorlon true.

So Lyta cast the Vorlon out
The Shadows, too, were loose,
but she, Delenn and Sheridan
all slipped the tightening noose.

They found no thanks at Earth or Mars,
For they were quite cut off.
They continued on with civil wars
Though Clark did laugh and scoff.

Sheridan came home at last,
the Earth there he did free
from martial law the worker cast
and all from tyranny.

---

Woof!! Rotten poetry. Oh well. Such is the destiny of most of my poetry.

The heat drains energy like a siphon drains gas from a tank. Sweat oozes out of my pores and drips off me while I do nothing more than sit in front of my computer. Admittedly, I'm typing relatively quickly, but it's not that strenous, trust me. :-)

It's all about perception. Perception creates reality. Thus, even though I am almost always available for work related calls, if my supervisor does not perceive that I am available, then in his reality, I am not available and he then has a problem. The question becomes, is the problem his or mine? It doesn't really matter in this case. If the problem is mine, then it's mine. If the problem is his, then he'll make it mine. (Be sure to take your vacation by the end of the fiscal year but be here anyway. No, you can't take the vacation as pay. No you can't work more than 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week including vacation. Make sure all the hours are covered even though 2 out of the 4 people covering said hours are on vacation. Don't spend any time on it, but get it done.)

The floggings will continue until morale improves.

Ah, family gatherings. It was an interesting course of events that allowed me to attend this most recent "Father's day" celebration including a failed alternator (thankfully, not mine) and a bit of unusual timing. If nothing else, these gatherings are teaching me tolerance.

20030614: The silver moon, showing nigh her full bosom wore her thinnest veil this evening; a mere wisp of wind-blown silk shielded the fullness of her beloved light from my eyes. Earlier this evening when she was still hidden under many cloaks of wool and linen, I had an opportunity to see the stars as I have not seen them in some time. Away from the lights of the city, even the fainter stars seem to leap forward, casting their pale glow down upon our planet along with countless other planets throughout our galaxy. It still boggles my mind when I hear people talk as if we humans were the only sentient life forms in the Universe. What a joke; more aptly, what an example of narrow mindedness.

I had opportunity today to take a nice long bike ride followed by a long walk followed by another long bike ride. Of course, the bike ride was considerable longer than I had anticipated, but that, too, can be good. The walk consisted of chasing a little white (and sometimes yellow) ball around mosquito infested fields and woods. It still never ceases to amaze me why someone will choose to play this sport (golf) as part of a bachelor party. I can understand it if you've played a fair amount and have acquired an appreciation for the game, but this is the second time I have been to a bachelor party where there was very little skill in the game by any of the players (self very much included). Oh well. It is and remains confusing.

I also had an unexpected opportunity to chat at length with my father this evening. He's almost as crazy as I am, just in different areas.

Wow...it was Friday the 13th and I didn't even notice. I didn't think about it until someone else pointed it out to me. *shrug* I guess it's just not important to me anymore. I've been working on changing this life. Instead of simply rolling with the punches, as they say, I've been attempting to envision my reality before it gets here. Instead of taking it as it comes, I'm making attempts to guide it before it gets here. A thought, a feeling, an understanding, these are what help to shape our reality. Unfortunately, I've still a long way to go. Anger is by far the most difficult emotion to deal with and still be in the realm "behind the eye". It's odd, really, when I come to think about it. I've had probably more experience with anger than with any other single emotion. You'd think I'd have learned to deal with it by now. My guess is that the anger is just a symptom. The cause of the symptom lies further in. It is time to delve.

I refuse to live my life based on other's expectations and I refuse to define my life by the amount of pain and suffering I have to go through to make other's happy or to make other's dreams come true. I am not a martyr and I deserve just as much chance at happiness as the next person, no matter the source of that happiness.

Blessed be.

Tick, tock, tick, tock...time marches along at a monotonous beat, no pauses, no quickening, no slowing, only the continuous plodding from one second to the next, from one fraction of a second to the next. Ah, but what if the moment between tick and tock could be extended. Lorien, vale of shadows, that is how you survived so long after the dwindling of the elves began. Your lady, fairest of the elves save possibly for her daughter, made it so. Alas, I do not know of a way for mere mortals to accomplish such things. Instead, we must make the most of each moment that we are given, live our lives to the fullest extent possible. Lurking in the shadows will do naught save make us familiar with dark places. Live life and wait not for anything. Lament not the past for in doing so, the present is submerged and the future foreshadowed. Live in the moment.

Yesterday, 200306122.0400: The night birds have changed their song. I'm not sure exactly how it is different but it is different than even last night's song. The question I almost always ask myself when something like this happens is: Did the song really change or did I slip into a slightly different shade of reality? I'm really not sure. The next question I almost always ask myself is: Does it matter? Does it really matter if I have stepped through the thinning walls of reality or if something like the night bird's song has really changed? I am here, now, in this place, in this moment. I think it used to matter when I believed in rules. I always want to know the rules so I know how to behave, how to act, what is appropriate given any situation. If a single facet of my life changes, such as the song of the night bird's, then I can acknowledge it and dismiss it. Nothing else has changed. On the other hand, if an entire reality has changed in which the song of the night bird's is different than it was in my "old" reality, then what else is different? Have the rules changed? Can I now breathe water and flit from roof-top to roof-top like a sparrow? Gravity does not stay consistent from one reality to another. Heck, gravity doesn't even remain consistent in this reality. If you go one place, the gravity is measurably different than if you are in another. I believe it's called a Bouguer anomaly, though I've done virtually no research on it my self. Thus, if gravity can be notably different in different places in the same reality, why not wildly different in completely different realities? Thus, if I step through the correct membrane into the correct reality, I can fly. The problem that I see is, do I really want to be in that reality? What other rules would change to accommodate my aviatory tendencies? It's rather like a part Hamlet's soliloquy: "...And makes us rather bear those ills we have / Than fly to others that we know not of..." (The entire piece can be found here.)

Ugh, sleep approaches even though there is still so much drivel to write. Oh well, another night, perhaps.

Woof! With weekends like this last one, who needs work days? Don't get me wrong, it was mostly enjoyable, just long. It really started Friday with the Tux measurements and the rehearsal dinner and then it ran over into Saturday with the picking up of said Tux and then the subsequent wedding. There were a few minor blips on the trouble radar, but nothing that wasn't handled quickly and efficiently by the people near by.

Standing up in said wedding was actually pretty decent. The ceremony was kept to a pleasant brevity and the dinner following was excellent. Also (thank you, Groom), there were no "forced" dances.

Sunday dawned far too early with a TKD belt promotion test in the early afternoon. After working with a student before hand to make sure he was ready, I found myself at the appointed place, chatting with a few people here and there and reassuring some of my students that, yes, in fact they were ready to test. The ceremony was going along fairly well until the high-white belts were about to execute their breaks. As I recall, the first two or three had broken and the third was about to do likewise when we were interrupted by the "necessity" of finding shelter during a Tornado "warning". I'm still not sure it was a warning, but we all trundled down into the basement and sat around or walked around as the mood suited. I don't think we were down there more than 20 minutes before they let us return to our room and resume our examinations.

I am proud to say that my students did well as did most of the folk testing. One of my best students took the first place trophy, an honor I have personally believed that he has deserved for some time. I'm glad he was awarded said trophy. He's been having some issues showing his parents the returns that he gets from practicing this art form. Now, at least, he can show them that he's doing well.

The most impressive break was executed by an individual testing for his 4th Dan. He executed a back spinning side kick through 5 boards. He wanted to do 6 but no one had large enough hands to hold all six boards at the same time. He broke them all on the first try.

After the exam, I took a few of my students out to dinner to say goodbye for the summer, in so doing foregoing the honor to sit at the head table hosted by our Grand Master. I really felt it important to let them know how much they have meant to me by taking the time to practice with me.

Monday was supposed to be a vacation day and I did manage to get a little more sleep but still managed to get called into work. Oh well. Servers will be servers.

In darkness, there lies a strength and in purity, there also lies a strength. There are those that would say that one must choose a path, either of light or of dark. I disagree. Grey is far better than either, for it is composed of both the light and the dark. ("We stand between the candle and the starlight.") And, since there is truly (as far as I can tell) nothing that is utter blackness and nothing that is truly pure, is it not better to acknowledge this and embrace it rather than to fight day in and day out, trying to define the line between right and wrong? All that the struggle will bring is madness and disappointment. Everything is a shade of grey, every action, every thought, every deed is a different shade of grey, depending on one's perspective and intent.

Ah, the rain has started again. May it come to us as needed for as long as life inhabits this planet.

Blessed Be.

Ah, the sweet smell of Spring. I caught a breath of it on my way home this evening. It was wonderful. It brought back memories that I can't even begin to describe here. Autumn really is my favorite season, but Spring is an oh-so-close second. I must try to enjoy it while it lasts and while we have one.

"I wonder where all the hunters are today." It's a great quote from a Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck cartoon. Daffy is the stand in for Bugs and just as Daffy states this line, the camera zooms back and three to four dozen hunters pop up and open fire on him. I relate the quote to the question that some people seem wont to ask: "What else can go wrong?" Mind you (Universe), that is just a quote. I am NOT really asking!!! It's a question to which I don't want to know the answer. I know what else can go wrong. I don't need to have it demonstrated.

So where is this leading? Good question. I think it's leading to a certain way of thinking which I am truly trying to embrace. Instead of waiting to see what happens next (which I did for quite some time, most of my life, really), envision what you would like to happen next. I'm not saying you'll get it every time. Heck, I'm not saying you'll ever get it, but the envisioning may be more important than one might think. I envisioned something a number of months ago now and BAMB!, my life has changed. Is this good? Is this bad? I guess that depends on your point of view and even then, I can't answer that question. Rather, I will say that it is and that I hope to learn from the change all that I can.

A word of caution about envisioning. Try to avoid envisioning specific other people, especially in a negative sense (i.e. I envision my hypothetical enemy being decapitated in a freak smelting accident and his private bits shoved down the stump.) Generally speaking, you are more likely to hurt yourself than your enemy and if you do managed to transmit negative energy to said individual, you are very likely to get said energy right back, probably in triplicate. Okay, enough of that.

In sports today, the battle of the tape servers and the workstations raged for a number of hours. In the end, Tape drive "1" with a possibly defective slot, workstation "0" with no complete backup. In personnel, the local supervisor continues his push for deadlines, time lines and listed accomplishments while the actual workers are torn between attempting to make said deadlines and taking their evaporating vacation. Who can tell where this will end? Taking a page from what I blathered on about earlier, hopefully it will end with the necessities being accomplished and the vacation being taken and enjoyed. Of course, even if it doesn't turn out that way, a perspective adjustment will help with the angst. (I'm going to hate myself in the morning for writing that one. :-) )

Ah, vacation. It can be a pleasant thing even if it is imposed upon the person taking it. Well, okay, so it wasn't exactly imposed but it's rather a situation in which I need to take said vacation or lose it and since my union bargained for another whole week of said vacation (one time deal instead of a pay raise), I might as well start learning how to enjoy it. I had eight hours of uninterrupted day with which to do anything I wanted. Well, okay, not completely uninterrupted. There was the trek into work to restart my computer and then the four people who hit me up for something while I was there and then the extended phone call this afternoon from a semi-VIP from work. *shrug* Oh well. It was good anyway.

If you shine a light upon a wall, you will see the light upon the wall. Thus it is with our souls. The body does not house the soul, rather it is a shell upon which we may project the soul just as the wall does not house the light but allows others to see its projection. So say the Minbari, anyway.

The fear of the rut looms like a giant chicken over the worm-farm of life. We fall into a rut and at first, everything seems great. Stability is achieved. Then, one day, we look around and see that the walls of the rut have become steep and treacherous. The longer we stay in the rut, the harder it is to climb out of the rut. Only through great effort can we even see out of the rut and sometimes, the walls close together over our heads so that we're no longer in a rut but rather a tunnel, leading in an ever deepening spiral. With that being said, there is also great allure to the rut. We always know, for the most part, what will show up...more rut. It's usually safer and can be very enjoyable. A lot of people like it. A lot of people like coconut, too.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny, a hay-penny will do. If you haven't got a hay-penny, then God bless you.

Wow...grouchy people today, not to mention a few other annoyances picking at me today. Fortunately, "they" didn't start too much until after 6:00. That'll teach me for playing around with a piano. (No, that line has absolutely no significance whatsoever. I just happened to play with one of the pianos in the dance studio today shortly after class.) Personally, I think the whole thing was either a test of my self resolve to control my anger or a rather peculiar string of coincidences. Unfortunately, I don't believe in coincidences anymore.

The first caveat in my evening was a rather unfortunate incident involving two re-breakable boards. They were stacked neatly inside my TKD bag which, in turn, was strapped to my back. As I leaned over to pick up the shield bags, the two boards decided to take a voyage to the floor. Alas, poor Pinky, I knew him well, Horatio. Somehow, both boards managed to land on my little toe. I find it odd since my little toe is just that, little. *shrug* Oh well. Pain, torn skin, a nasty bruise and the necessity to pick up the boards along with a bit of other stuff that had leaked out around the seams all seemed fated. But, my temper remained fully intact. I even tried to embrace and enjoy the pain. (A close friend of mine told me that instead of just enduring wet socks that I should learn to enjoy them. I'm still working on both of those. ;-) )

Finally, the sojourn back to my car was complete after bashing said bag into a couple of doors along the way. I drive to the YMCA where upon I approach the counter, card in hand. Two young ladies are behind the desk but both seem preoccupied with something else. At least one of them saw me come in, but none-the-less, I am left standing at the desk for a good 60 seconds. Finally, another patron comes in and one of the young ladies is kind enough to approch that area of the counter and accept my card for scanning. She does so in a rather condescending fashion and seems even more put-out when I tell her that I also need a key to get into a closet. (The specifics aren't important.) She informs me that my card is expired as of 5/31/2003 and then engages the other patron behind me. I wait until she is done speaking and politely enquire as to how I can un-expire my card. Unfortunately, she must not have been having a very good day as her response, although technically accurate, was quite rude and just a shade snotty. Oh well. Eventually, I was able to acquire the key and take care of the business at hand but I spared a good deal of courtesy along the way. I'm working on enjoying that one, too.

Ah, but all's well that ends well, or so I've been told. A quiet evening of database work, a little TV, some Ramen noodles and a pizza was quite enjoyable. Now I have to go take off my socks and see how that toe is doing.

If you've read this far, I commend you as I can definitely tell that I've been blathering this evening (uhm, okay, morning), I want to tell you something. I know that, from time to time, I come across as a grumpy jerk and I want to tell you that it is seldom if ever actually directed at the people I'm around. I know it may not seem that way, but it really is. I also want to apologize to those of you who read this and actually know me. I'm quite sure that I've been grumpy "near" you, even if it wasn't at you. For that, I apologize. I know you don't need to put up with my bull and I am honestly going to try and behave at least in a slightly more civilized manner. That being said, I hope I can follow through. I have a feeling there will be some seriously trying times ahead. Take care, all.