Trillian

Briefly, Trillian has put out 2.0 Professional version. This version ROCKS. There were recently (yesterday) a few issues with Yahoo connectivity, but this was due to Yahoo changing stuff. They seem to have at least a beta patch available now. In any case, if you want a really cool Instant Messaging client, look here:

Bitch Session

Note the title. Consider yourself warned.

To my beloved HMO: How do I loathe thee!! Let me count the ways. I loathe thee to the height and breadth my soul can reach. Shall I compare thee to a winter's day? Thou art more foul and more frigid. To HMO or not to HMO, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the loss of pocket book or to jump through flaming hoops for inferior service. To comply, to sleep and by that sleep wait for a pre-approval. 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

As for my co-worker, that one will wait.

Breathe and focus

As you focus on something, breathe out. This makes so much sense. For example, in Taekwondo where a practitioner's goal is usually to kick or punch something, you are taught to breathe out as you punch or kick. This also focuses your energy into that technique and can make for some very spectacular kihaps as well. But, in T'ai Chi, where the focus is on defense, one breathes out as one deflects an incoming blow. This makes perfect sense. Not only are you focusing more intently on defense, you are creating a slightly smaller target and even if the person does make contact with the blow, you are already collapsing your chest and lungs, thus, it lessens the force of the impact. Less energy is transferred into your body at the moment of impact because your body is already contracting. Instead of trying to puff up and take or resist the blow, you're going with it. It makes so much sense, IF you are focusing on defense.

I have to let it go. I have to let go of that feeling, that image and thought of betrayal. I was not betrayed, or if I was betrayed, it was for a reason. That gift that has been given me. I must remember the gift and forget the betrayal. Only then will I be able to be truly grateful for what I have been given.

All things with time and practice.

The path: know the path and walk the path. But which path? The path I see behind me twinkles like fresh-washed gold in the fading sunlight, yet I know that street, I know where it goes and I also know that I have chosen otherwise.

The bridge upon which I stand shivers, the portion I have crossed crumbles, yet still I stand here. Still I stand in the middle, looking back, thinking, pondering the outcome of my choices. And a small voice says, "Live in the moment." The moment is now. Enjoy what you have yet strive to learn more. Strive to learn yourself like a well-crafted weapon or a priceless musical instrument. Strive, and in that striving, learn, grow and become who you are.

Judgment: To form an opinion.

Judge me not until you know all there is to know. Judge others likewise. Until you know all there is to know, until you grok someone, judge them not.

Corollary: Can you ever know someone else so fully that you can judge them? Can you ever know every last thing there is to know about someone unless you are that person? (Even then, I wonder.) Given this, I believe the ancient bit of advice, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." fits very nicely here.

Peace and solace to all.

Light and shadow can create the most interesting of images upon the mind's eye. I had chance to look upon some Kanji characters in a half-lit room the other evening and I could have sworn a dragon's head looked back.

Such things create our reality; light and shadow, belief and disbelief, our long standing filters block that which we are not willing or ready to see and distort what really is there into something acceptable, something safe. Oh, to be able to delete a filter with the click of a button or with the creation of a thought. Hmm, perhaps it is that easy. Believe that a filter is no longer necessary and it may well dissolve. Of course, the rough part seems to be identifying the filter in the first place.

Well, enough, at least for now. May all who read this take care and take heart. Life is even better than a box of chocolates.

Blessed be.

What life is this that taunts me with the surcease of breath, the death long awaited, long anticipated which will, when all is said and done, be as meaningless as the life in which it started. Breath shall cease. Life shall cease. And all shall be blackened with despair. Loss is the only true constant. The world loses a life and all the experiences of that life are lost right along with it. We are a society of greed and horror. Instead of quality of life, we seek quantity. Let them kill all the men, all the adult human life for there are more children now than there have ever been. Surely they will grow up to replace those lost in any amount of war or conflict.

Depression settles along with the realization of a wasted youth and a wasted life. Not wasted in the sense that it was all fun and games. Nay, that is not wasted, that is chosen. Rather, wasted in not doing anything, not improving or growing or changing, just being, sitting somewhere in an old dilapidated house, watching TV or typing in computer programs hoping that somewhere, somehow, meaning could be found or made. Instead, now I start again in the autumn of my 34th year. I try to make friends, I try to do what they do and enjoy what they do, but it is too late. I cannot go back and even if I could, what good would it do? Would I truly be able to change things or would I just be the same spineless, simpering excuse for a human being? Perhaps it is better not to know the truth in this matter.

Blessed be.

Another week has slid under the bridge. Some of it has been pretty good while some of it has just been. I'm concerned about a friend who's "Office Space" experience mirrors one I had back in 1994. I keep meaning to write to her and tell her that I empathize, but time being what it is, seems to slip by ever more quickly.

I'm noticing a fair amount of rudeness both in the people around me and in myself, though I truly try and curb the latter. Some days I do a better job than others. Fortunately, the rudeness I see stems mostly from people whom I do NOT call friends, so it is usually a little easier to handle. At the same time, if a certain individual picks up a friend of mine by his neck again in my presence, he will regret it. I still need to remind myself from time to time that I cannot (should not) use what meager training I have on others outside of class.

I will refrain from comment about my own supervisor. No matter how silly he can be, he does not even hold a candle to my friend's.

Listen up people and take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice. (Paraphrased from Sydney Freedman on M*A*S*H.)

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been." -John Greenleaf Whittier, poet (1807-1892)

'tis true; 'tis true 'tis pity; And pity 'tis 'tis true." (Polonius) -Hamlet

Wow! Ten freaking days since I posted something here. I must be slackin'. That, or I'm busy with school starting and getting back together with some friends who were gone for most of the summer. Nah, I'm just slackin'. ;-)

In the continuing saga of my silly supervisor, I think I'm beginning to understand why he's doing what he's doing. And I always thought feathers were rather pretty, until now, anyway. I still believe his intentions are fair, just a little on the self-centered side. Of course, I'm not one to talk here since most of my recent actions and choices have been self-centered. I continue to earn the title "Bastard" and have recently been given "Asshole" as well. (We takes what's given us, yessss, my Precious.) Gee, I wonder if I should try to live "up" to these monikers. It really wouldn't be overly difficult. *shrug* I guess we'll see.

Unfortunately, I haven't noted anything overly profound lately so I'll just have to end with this old standby: "I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."