The moon sets, the world is dark. Throughout this turgid land of shadows, faint glimpses of light flash here and there, but they are swamp gas, will-o'-the-wisps, not to be headed, for each time one shows itself, a glimmer of hope returns with it, only to be sucked in to the foul, fetid waters of uselessness, drowned with the rotting corpse therein. The likelihood of another dawn wanes and struggling forward in the ghastly wastes is nigh impossible and just as pointless. To sit beneath a hangman's tree and fall asleep is now all which I can hope to do.

The beautiful counselor with patients aplenty,
One potato, two potato, three potato, four.
Her time is doled to those who need her most
and her ear is leant to many. She is helpful
and caring, considerate and soothing, and oh so much more.
May she always have the energy to weave her healing nets.
May she always have the strength to help those in need.
May she always be a friend and befriend those near her.
May she always be a friend, a friend in deed.

But most of all,

May she find the time she needs for herself and her beloved.
For surely with out that, all the others will tattered be.

Moo?

Bovine cattle are curious creatures. Okay, not really. Actually, they're rather stupid, dirty, unpleasant, headstrong, potentially deadly creatures, but I was trying to be nice. I had the fun filled opportunity to attempt the loading of some of these mean beasts on to a cattle-trailer early this morning. I found it was a great reminder as to why I chose to avoid farming.

In other news, the celebration of the first day of fall (autumnal equinox) seems to have been an overall success. Two of my closest friends could only stay a brief while, but I was pleased that they could attend at all considering the voracity with which they are currently attacking other things in life. It was gratifying to know that they were willing to take the time to make an appearance. Hopefully they enjoyed what time they spent here, anyway. The party eventually ended shortly before 3:30 AM which means that it only lasted a measly 13 and a half hours from the time the first person arrived to the time the last person left. We don't have them like we used to...thank goodness. :-)

May your paths be free from overly fresh cow-droppings.

"I don't want to hear any excuses." Has anyone ever said that to you? If so, it was probably said in anger. So, does that mean that they don't want to hear any excuses or that they don't want to hear the reason for something? Perhaps they already have a preconceived notion of why something happened and if you tell them your reason (note, I said reason, not excuse), then they may have to re-evaluate their own anger and reasons for that anger. Well, it was interesting when I thought of it. *smirk* I'll just go to bed, now.

May Andúril shine forever.

Focus. Focus can be a very important thing in life. Generally speaking, focus is needed for almost every aspect of life. If you don't focus, you don't succeed. In some cases, if you don't focus, you don't survive. But focus is a double edged sword. If you focus on something too much, you are probably going to exclude other things in your life. For example, if you focus on work too much, it is likely that family life will suffer. If you focus on gaming too much, work will suffer. If you focus on any one aspect of life to excess, all the other areas will suffer. It could be compared to using a magnifying glass to focus the sun's rays into a fine bead. It's great if you want to start a fire, but if you look at that bead too long, everything else fades into the background. In other words, strive for balance.

I have wondered from time to time, what is truth? There are many definitions, some as base as (According to Webster), "the state of being the case" or "the body of real things, events, and facts" and some as esoteric as, "Truth is beauty" or "Truth is God". I think it all depends on your point of view. In the Star Wars classic, Return of the Jedi (episode VI), Luke is whining about Obi-Wan not telling him that Vader was Luke's father and Obi-Wan tells Luke the following: "Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true (You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.)... from a certain point of view." This all being well and said, the next line is the truly worthwhile one: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

I find that last statement resonates with my experiences. Truth is where you find it and what you make of it. Five people can view an event (e.g. a car accident) and all five of them will say something different. Does that mean that some of them are lying? Not at all. Every last one of them can believe that they are telling the truth, and to them, they are, even though there are five different stories. Thus, truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. (<--- Warning: Naughty Link.)

May your own truth find you at peace.
"The recommended daily requirement for hugs is: four per day for survival, eight per day for maintenance, and twelve per day for growth." -Virginia Satir.

Cautious jubilance,
Spring rain on a parched desert.
Last year's growth renewed.

And then, there was like, this time, that, you know, I was like, a total dork and it was like, OMG, like, you know, it was just sooooo, you know, like, weird.

I used to think that writing was simply a matter of putting down the spoken word in the way in which it was spoken. I have come to realize that it is, in fact, otherwise.

And now for something completely different: Bed.

Green turns to golden,
Autumn drains life from the land.
Winter approaches.

So starves the vampire,
blood-lust turned to apathy
What's the point, again?

[deleted for content]

Confusing season,
My soul slips in darkened sand,
My stupidity.

Twisted snow spirals,
Unexpected frost shatters,
Fleeting memories.

The anniversary of 9/11 has come and gone. To my knowledge, nothing of great terrorist-related consequence occurred in the states, anyway. I consider that to be good.

Nothing of great personal consequence happened yesterday or today, either. Life slips by like a quiet river, gurgling from time to time from a stone cast upon its waters and continuously sucking at the mud and tree roots which stand in its path. Eventually, the river will end in the sea where it will join with all the other rivers of the world and lose its individuality. Still, there are worse things. A quiet life has very notable and distinct advantages. One has the option to plan ahead instead of always living moment to moment. One can concern oneself with things such as art, music and love instead of worrying about from where one's next meal may be arriving. It's all rather hedonistic and since I tend to be a hedonist, I should damn well start enjoying it. Hmm, I wonder how I should go about doing that. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

On a mostly unrelated note, the best Instant Messanger client in the world just came out with an updated version. Trillian .74 and, more importantly, Trillian Pro 1.0 are now available. It doesn't matter if you use MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, AIM or IRC, Trillian handles it. If you're interested, look at The Trillian Web Site and try .74 for free.

Oh that I could take the pain of another. There have been countless times I have wished for this ability when I was younger and of a different mind. Now I tend to believe that we each must go through certain trials, usually of a personal nature, for our own spiritual development. And then, on occasion, I've not a clue what is right and what I would choose. Usually, of late, I just wish to help my friends through their ordeals as best I can. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it back-fires. The latter of these are also learning experiences. They just don't always feel as nice.

Ah, a blank slate, or in this case, page. There is nothing finer than a new beginning; nothing like having the choice of what to place upon that white canvas of a computer screen. It is both exhilarating and frustrating all at the same time. For surely, though it is mine to fill with the truths of the Universe, it is oft more likely that it will be filled with naught but rabbit droppings. Alas, that the truth, or, in this case, the Truth, is not mine to give. Alas, the only thing I can truly claim as my own is my exhaustion.

So, you say, "If thou art so tired, why dost thee not sleep?" And I, in my glib manner would reply, "Would that I could, but sleep is not mine to take and if it is not mine to take, then surely I must not do it either, for that action would imply ownership or at least stewardship and that is truly too great a responsibility for one such as me." And then, in thy wisdom so great, you would say, "ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

My apologies, TL, but I'm going to borrow your format again:

Top 10 reasons my BLOG received no update over the weekend, including Friday:

10: My fingernails needed clipping.
9: My cat needed flossing.
8: The alignment of planets and stars was not conducive to blog-updating procedures.
7: The lack of sleep acquired during the first week of school caused excessive hallucinations.
6: A Taekwondo demonstration needed another kicking bag. (Actually, I was just part of the film crew.)
5: There was a surprising upturn in my sex life.
4: I applied some time toward watching a movie with my spouse.
3: A sudden shift in my religious beliefs caused me to realize that humans don't exist and therefore blogging is irrelevant. (But I'm feeling much better, now.)
2: Devil's Lake camp grounds doesn't have an Internet uplink in the "Ice Age" camping area.

and the number one reason my BLOG received no update over the weekend is:

1: I was attempting to deepen friendships and relationships with some of my friends while camping in the not-so-wild outdoors.
---
Upon saying that the outdoors were not-so-wild, however, I must relent and admit that there were a number of wild creatures present. Most of them had six legs and wings while a few had eight legs and notable jumping ability. There was a smattering of four legged creatures, the cutest of which were the raccoons. There were a few two legged beasts with wings about but by and large, the greatest number of wild critters were the two footed hairless apes. Still, it was an excellent weekend and well worth missing the opportunity to update my BLOG!

A thought occurred to me today while practicing T'ai Chi. One of the first temple exercises is called "Prayer Wheel". In theory, every time a prayer wheel is executed, what ever prayer you are concentrating on is transmitted to heaven. I find this idea of circular motion to assist a prayer reaching heaven quite interesting. Perhaps, the idea is that all things in life are circular. We get up in the morning, we go to work, we come home, we go to bed and then we get up and do it all over again. It seems like one big circle. Sure, there are jagged edges. Some days we have pastrami on rye while others we may have tuna on whole wheat, but the basis is the same. Take a step back and the weeks are pretty much the same. Each week, we go to work for (probably) 5 days and then have a two day weekend in which we attempt to accomplish everything we didn't get done during the week. Take another step back and the weeks turn into months. Take another step back and the months turn into years. Take one more step back and the years turn into lifetimes. (I'm sure there are a lot of people who would argue about that. After all, life appears to be pretty straight-line. We are born, we live, we die; end of line. However, maybe we're just on a circle so big that the curve is imperceptible from our vantage point.)

Each life is pretty much like the next. Sure, sometimes we might learn a little more and sometimes we might learn a little less, but they're all pretty much the same. We strive towards our little goals; more money, better living conditions, etc., etc., etc. I wonder what it's all about. Is there some goal? Is it actually a spiral toward something or is it really just a planar circle going round and round forever? Personally, I hope it's the spiral. I'd like to believe that living really is worthwhile and that eventually, we will have learned enough to move on to something else. Hmm. I wonder if that's circular, too. After we've moved on and become more "creator"-like, do we then travel in circles there, too? And, if by chance, we are able to become master creators ourselves, don't we then start over again by putting pieces of ourselves into that which we create?

Here's to the circle: The most perfect of all geometric shapes. :-)

So, what's a person to do? I'm not sure. I'm still stuck in my daily groove. It's kind of like being the needle on a record. The closer we get to the center, the less distance we have to travel to complete the circle. I hope I have a few songs left, anyway but the spindle is definitely closer than it used to be. I'd like to be able to pick up the needle and move back a few songs and try them again, this time with a little more feeling, but since I don't know how to do that, I'll settle for striving to make the most of each revolution. I just hope I can live up to my own beliefs.

And now, a few personalized notes:

TL: You're as nutty as they come but I'm really glad you and your hubby came over tonight. It's almost always fun and the only time it isn't fun is when I can't get past my own hang-ups.

DL (or was that Gybing?): I'm glad things are going better for you. I hope the job shift will be more fun than problematic. I also hope to see you on Runescape some time soon. I promise, I'll try and make time for it.

Qet: Know that you figure more highly in my thoughts now than at any other time I have known you in this life. I will do what I can to respect your needs and your wishes and support you in whatever decision you make or whatever solution you find.

To all of you, I love you dearly and I have a continued hope for your health and well-being.

Class and work, work and class. Between the two, time is fleeting. Madness takes it's toll. (That'll be $0.75 please.) The good part is that I'm back to doing something I enjoy, i.e., class. It can be very relaxing to step out of work for a while, take a break and focus on something entirely different. It can also be a shade distracting but I think it's well worth the time.

So much to do, so much need for sleep. :-)

Whatever...

The last day of "summer vacation" comes to an end. Here's hoping we have everything ready for the fall semester. I know we don't, but hopefully we'll be able to muddle along anyway.

I have a heavy heart tonight. My spouse needs cheering up and I don't know how to do it. I'm hoping she'll read this some time soon and know that she is truly in my thoughts and in my heart. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's enough anymore. She seems very melancholy and the perceived response I get from her when I try to tell her how much she means to me tells me that it doesn't matter one way or the other. *sigh* Hopefully something good will happen soon to help her out of her funk.

Blessed be.

A new month, a new dawning. Time roles merrily along like a stone down an increasingly steep hill. Every day goes by just a little faster than the last. Every week slips by bringing another and another and another. The question becomes, what does one do with all that time? When you really look at it, what accomplishments have been made? What progress has been generated? What comes of that time? To answer my own questions, I can honestly say in my case, not much.

And maybe that's okay. As a close friend of mine once said, you sound more like a human-doing than a human-being. Perhaps we don't need to accomplish something every waking moment. Perhaps there is more to life than striving every single nanosecond to become better, faster, more advanced. Honestly, I don't know. What I do know is that if you push an engine too hard for too long, it blows up in your face and squirts oil everywhere. (Thankfully I've avoided that particular experience to date and hope to continue avoiding it.) On the other hand, if you treat an engine well and give it regular maintenance, it can last for hundreds of thousands of miles. The question becomes, do you favor a longer, less productive life, or do you favor the Kurgan philosophy? (He sounds real pretty after getting his throat cut.) Let me know if you decide. I'm still not sure which is better. (Oh, and in case you care about the "real" Kurgans, you can find out more about them here.)

Take care, my friends. Enjoy life, if you can.