Crisis of faith

This last week, something occurred which has never occurred to this degree before. I considered ceasing the teaching of Taekwondo. I considered so heavily as to actually call a fellow instructor and ask if she would take my classes in future. I can't go into all the reasons I chose to quit here as some of the information is private to say the least, but suffice it to say that "political" issues have caused me to be somewhat less popular in certain circles. My life choices have caused a few eyebrows to raise as well. Personally, I think certain people should keep their fucking noses to themselves and out of my business. It would also be nice if they kept their opinions to themselves and away from my students. A true pity those people don't actually know about (let alone read) my blog, not that they'd ever get the hint, anyway. They have an affliction known as self-righteousness. I pray they are never tested or they may fall well short of their own mark.

So I asked my colleague and she requested time to think about it. I agreed and then on Thursday, she called me back and said that she would take my classes. It stung, to be honest. Every time I thought about it, it stung more until it reached full-fledged ache. I'd like to say that I was sensitive enough to listen to that and realize that I wasn't doing the right thing, at least not for the right reasons. I'd like to say that, but I seem to have this stubborn streak. It actually took the words of a former student of mine to allow me realize that the apparent "good" I was doing was sufficient to offset the crap I have to put up with from my peers and superiors. This former student of mine told me that I was the one who had truly helped her understand and learn the art. She told me that instead of acting as some and simply attempting to show off what I knew, I was actually able to help her grow and excel at her techniques. That, in and of itself, made me feel very good indeed. She also told me that she was truly saddened to think of me not being in class or club, saddened to the point where she was crying. I was amazed to think that I had actually had that profound an effect on someone's life. It is so true that the student teaches the teacher as much as the teacher teaches the student. In this case, I'd say the student taught me more.

So, I went to my colleague, hat in hand, and begged her to let me have my classes back. She graciously agreed even though I know she rearranged her life to be able to do what I had asked. We have a few things to work out yet, but I'm confident that those will go smoothly.

Later, I talked to another of my students and when she found out that I had decided to quit and then relented, she thanked me profusely for not quitting. She confided that had I quit, she would have stopped practicing as well. I found this odd considering that she is now a deputy black belt likely to be testing for her fist degree in December. Maybe I really am having a positive effect on some of my students. *shrug* Maybe not. Who can say? Who can say what it would be like if I stopped in comparison to not stopping? I'm afraid I don't currently have the ability to consciously look forward into alternate reality branches and say one way or the other. The only thing I can say for sure is that I'm happy to be back, even though I technically never left. I dislike the paper work, but the rewards may just be worth it.

Political Quote

It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. -H.L. Mencken, writer, editor, and critic (1880-1956)
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This is rather broad sweeping, but justifiably so.

Even more quotes

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, more vengeance, more desolation. War is hell. -William Tecumseh Sherman, Union General in the American Civil War (1820-1891)

Another freedom quote

The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty. -John Adams, 2nd US president - (1735-1826)

Quote

By words the mind is winged. -Aristophanes, dramatist (c. 448-385 BCE)

The prodigal cat

I noticed before I went out this evening that my cat was no where to be found. I didn't think much of this as he has a couple good hiding spots and I was in a hurry so no search was undertaken. After I returned home and noted that he was still not around, I started to get a little worried. Normally, he comes out after someone leaves. A few more hours crawled by and still no sign of him. Finally, I was about to head for bed (about half an hour ago) when I decided to go outside for a breath of air. Who's waiting for me in the drive way? None other than my escaped kitty. He seemed pleased to see me and equally pleased to be let back in the house. I'm not sure who let him out but I'm very glad that he's home again. If only cats could speak in the human tongues; I'd love to hear about his adventure.

Life bleeds

Cruel life,
You give me opportunities vast and countless,
Yet not the moral means by which to take them.
Guilt. Self loathing.
I am smothered. I am tethered.
Exhausted.
I should have let it die.
Now it limps, dragging itself by old haunts, old ways, so new they were one time, but they are stagnant now; they reek of death and decay and they are foul.

When the thrill is gone...

...then it's time to take it back. - Meat Loaf.

I recently sent a gift to my best friend and her spouse for a combination birthday/anniversary present. (Two birthdays of my best friend, three birthdays of her spouse and 5 bloody anniversaries...I'm not very good with anniversaries.) She called me today to complain. No, she wasn't complaining that the gift was too small or that she didn't need/want it; rather she was complaining that the gift was too large in the monetary sense. She actually doesn't know the precise amount I spent on it, though I think if she looked at the packing list, she'd figure it out. I told her to suck it up. By God, the day I am condemned for giving too large a gift is a sad day indeed. You'll never see a church or a political campaign complaining of too large a gift. I actually calculated the amount of money I would have spent on her and her spouse over the course of the missed anniversaries and birthdays and according to "family" rules (my family, that is), I still owe her $30.00. Oh and mind you, I like her AND her spouse better than most of my family. - I'm probably going to send them both pipe cleaners for Christmas or maybe a single stick of gum...for them to share. :p

In other news, I seem to have injured one of my feet. No, it wasn't while practicing Taekwondo, oddly enough. It was while loading wood onto a truck. An errant piece thrown by a beloved family member caught me on the top of the foot and I've had problems since. A couple of people have commented that I should see a physician. Considering the location of the damage, I seriously doubt there's anything they could do for me. One of my students came to me today and indicated that he had a stress fracture in one of his feet. Sure enough, the doctor's advice was to use it less and stop practicing Taekwondo for four weeks. Well, I don't have that luxury though I have asked a couple of my black belts to run the warm up recently.

I think that about sums it up, at least for now.

"Doctors, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

The insane shadow

The Hollow Men: Between the idea / And the reality / Between the motion / And the act / Falls the Shadow. -T.S. Eliot, poet (1888-1965)

Insanity can be defined as trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

I appear to be an insane shadow.

I am a heretic

heretic (HER-i-tik) noun

One who holds unorthodox or unconventional beliefs.

adjective

Not conforming to established beliefs.

[From Middle English heretik, from Middle French heretique, from Late Latin haereticus, from Greek hairetikos (able to choose), from haireisthai (to choose).]

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I find it intriguing that the horrible connotations behind the word "heretic" stem from the ability to choose. Blast those that would choose something other than what society tells them is the correct choice! Fah! To the magnanimous and gracious Catholic church: STUFF IT!

Proverb on War

A great war leaves the country with three armies - an army of cripples, an army of mourners, and an army of thieves. -German proverb

Last weekend

Drat! It's already Wednesday and I still haven't had a chance to write about last weekend. It wasn't anything spectacular, but at least parts of it were fun.

Saturday found me driving to Milwaukee for a house warming party for an old college friend. The trip was about 6+ hours round trip. She has a beautiful house now with a nice yard. While there, another fellow and I put together her portable fire-pit. After that, I managed to fix her wireless connection on her laptop. Hopefully the fix will hold, but no guarantees.

Sunday was a little less fun. (Incidentally, 6+ hours in a car in one day is not listed as fun in my book.) My girlfriend and I went to a family gathering held at my uncle's place. It was a combined belated birthday for his spouse and anniversary celebration. It would have been great except for the people. ;-) I also managed to bounce my head off a shelf protruding from the wall in their very modest home. The shelf survived, but only because it didn't belong to me. Had it belonged to me, it would have been crushed, obliterated, destroyed and burned. Any remnants would then have been ground into the dirt. Sorry folks, I'm not a fan of little knick-knacks that have no function and snag people's clothes and flesh.

Lately, I've been trying to get some wood, too. No, not that kind of wood. I'm looking for the kind that one burns in a wood-stove. I found some, but then the fellow didn't want to sell me only 2 cords so he was going to sell to someone else. Then, the someone else didn't call him back so he called me and said that he'd love to sell me a couple of cords. Of course, in the mean time, I found someone else willing to sell. *shrug* I think it'll work out, though. I'll be buying initially from my first contact as he probably has better quality wood. If I run low, I'll call the other. :-)

Isn't it ironic ... (quote)

It would indeed be ironic if, in the name of national defence, we would sanction the subversion of one of those liberties which make the defence of our nation worthwhile. -Earl Warren, jurist (1891-1974)

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Ah, but we would never let this happen, right? ... Right???? :p