Anger

All these thoughts of days gone by go flitting through my skull, enraging me at points, saddening me at others. All this time, all these memories and yet I throw them away like last week's salad. Of course, it's too late now, anyway. The occasional thoughts of such things, of returning to what once was is impossible. What once was cannot be retrieved for three reasons: 1: You can never go back, no matter what. 2: What was there, is there no longer. The river has moved along. 3: And most importantly, it was never there to begin with. It was all illusion. It was all a fool's hope and a fool's dream. The perfect family, the illusionary acceptance of me for who I was and who I am. It's all a joke, of sorts and I could say that the joke's on me, but it was me pulling the strings in my head, letting myself believe in Never-Never land, letting myself see only the good and ignoring the incompatible aspects. Only after repeated blows to my "self" and my "ego" could I see my folly. Now time moves on and the spiral begins again.